The smell of soap and ethanol flooded Malikye’s nose. It was almost as if the scent was cemented in the air. He couldn’t stop thinking about it and how odd it was. He sat there in the row of chairs, crossed arms and legs, staring at the pile of magazines and hand sanitizer that layed of a table, separating what would be another row of chairs. Suddenly he became aware of where he was at and why he was there. He uniformly leaned forward and cupped his head in his hands.
“How are you?”
Malikye looked up from his hands and said, “Do I look ok, Raymond?”
Raymond gave him a look of understanding, not knowing what else to do. The two sat in silence. Neither knew what to say or if anything could be said at all. Silence grew pervasive in the room. Then finally an echo of hope rang from Raymond, “Nothing could have been done to avoid this situation, there was nothing you could have done.”
“How could you say that? Nothing about this is anyone’s fault but my own. If I had only turned around…”
“Malikye, look at me.” As he looked up to Raymond, something began to change. Raymond’s placid face turned heart achingly serious and his entire demeanor was vibrant with unjudging sympathy. “We cannot go back and change what happened; we can only live with the past, not relive it. What happened was not something you meant to happen and your tears show your remorse…”
“I am. I am remorseful. I can’t take this. How will she forgive me? How will my mom look at me? Dad too? There is no redemption for me.”
“Listen my boy, while we would like to think that our sins can be paid off, the truth is that we can’t pay for the damages we’ve caused. This will pass. For now what is important is that you’re with her.”
Malikye stared once more to the ground. The words echoed in his. He knew Raymond was right, as he always was, but he couldn’t give in to reason. “It’s not that simple. I’ve ruined the lives of my family. I was drunk, intoxicated really. I should’ve been smarter. Now she will be gone with anger and resentment towards me. How can I face her?”
Raymond sat thoughtfully. He sighed and leaned back his shoulders. “Botulinum toxin is a dangerous neurotoxin. It can result from bad meat. I once had a friend who had an experience with this toxin, George. George had got botulism poisoning from a bad meat he had eaten. He started to eat it the meat, I forget what it was, and the more he ate the worse he got. He thankfully lived through it, but I always find a good moral to it. Worrying is just like the bad meat George ate. Once you take that first bite, you something strange, but you shrug it off and continue to eat the meat and the more you eat, the more poison you take in. Ironically the more you consume the more it consumes you. You understand?”
Malikye looked at Raymond with wonder, as if he had an epiphany. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“Go. You must.”
Malikye jumped out of his chair and ran down the hallway. The hallway was filled with people, but he couldn’t stop now. He dodged nurses with bags of salen or who were pushing a cart around. He went around the old people and passed the front desk. Franticly, he looked around until he finally found the room, 617. We walked to the door and stopped at the threshold. She was awake.
“Bubby.”