Who's in charge?
An essay by Jack Smith.
Mr. Canon's 3rd period English.
Nothing is within our control if you really think about it. From the protestant view of predetermined destination to the ideology that the crusaders should own the holy land of Jerusalem. Two different ideas, same consequences. When we relinquish our fate to an outside source, such as god, then we immediately submit to the idea that everything is planned out, therefore it is “God’s Will” or “What had to happen in order to reclaim the holy land.” This holds truth if you choose to hold out with a belief; look to what happened when people dawned these ideologies. The crusaders committed genocide against a multitude of peoples and the predetermined protestants killed thousands of natives, sometimes even eradicating tribes, all because it is their “Manifest Destiny.”
The sad truth is that this is unavoidable, we all have concreted ideas in our head that have settled and are hard to uproot. Once a thought sets into place, one loses control over their life. The choices we make influence the way our entire life is directed. In many cases ideas become the rulers, an we are merely the subjects. Everyone has a desire to serve or look to a higher power, something that’s bigger than them.
It’s not only religion that sets this mindset, it’s also philosophy. When we give into any way of thinking, we give in to something that controls us. For example, in psychology there are many mindsets to take on, but a lot of them contradict. Like psychoanalysis and behaviorism. One ideology says that we can learn about one’s mentality through dreams and one says that we can study one’s mentality through behavior. When someone takes on one mindset or another, that’s when they lose options to think differently to solve problems better or differently. An open mind can accommodate many logics and solve problems better critically.
I propose that the best antidote is to have no ideas and serve no higher power, just live for yourself and live to be better. If we truly want individuality, then we must abolish the way of thinking that we must serve something/someone’s moral agenda. The best way to live freely is to live to live in your best interest, that’s how you can know that you have true freedom.
In conclusion, we must live on the whim, live in the moment, because there is nothing else but the moment. You might think that this idea goes against the very idea that it explains, but I assure you from experience that this truly is the way. It’s hard to do, yet so easy, because all that’s required is to not think. Take into consideration how other people’s mindsets have hurt you, then take into consideration how you felt subjugated to it.
*****
Jack stepped off the bus and stared at the large building before him. It was a Monday, which means that it was a school day. Kristishion High School was a large complex that had nearly two-thousand students enrolled in it. Jack was a sophomore and had already felt the redundancy and the fatuity that was presented in high school. He had no interests in anything except for English. Jack had always done well in that class and oddly found enjoyment from it. It wasn’t uncommon to find Jack outside in garden reading or writing on the swinging bench; dreaming up fantasies of wonder and disparity, poems of love and tragedy and of course the occasional erotica. His English teachers had always complimented him on his performance, especially his essays and poems. Once Jack had entered a poem contest in seventh grade and had won, that was the most praise he had ever seen from either one of his parents. He was exceptional and always tried to be creative and have fun with literature. Mr. Canon, however, was not a fan of his works.
Jack walked towards the front doors uneasily. Not paying attention to his surroundings, he accidentally ran into a girl in a white shirt and tastefully ripped jeans, startling him and almost knocking her backwards. She cursed under her breath and moved on before he even had a chance to apologize. Standing there for a moment, he decided to walk on. He then spotted his best friend, Jeremiah, who towered over the masses around the door.
Jeremiah!
‘Ey Jack. How was ya weekend with the old ones?
My GrandParents? It was fine, thank you. A lot better than spending it with the wardens.
Your Parents? HA! I think you’re too gentle with them. If I was you, I would have smacked your old man into heaven by now. How do you even stand them?
Oh you know, they’re ok I guess but I can barely stand them. I tend to stay outside or by myself in my room.
Damn, well that’s some messed up shit right there. Why don’t you come down to the courts with me and the boys? Come on ya need to get out more and make more friends. Come onnn! It’ll be fun!
Sorry Jer, I don’t think I should do that. I’m not really… um the… sporty type.
I worry about you ya know? You need more friends besides me. I like you more than anyone, but I’m not always available for you, it’s time to expand your circle.
I’m sorry Jer, I just don’t feel like I’m up to it.
Well see it ya self, I’m off to class. Catch ya at lunch?
Yeah, see you then.
Jack headed off down the hallway to room 213, his first period class, and once again he was lost in thought. His train of thought lasted until he had reached the classroom, which usually he was happy for, because that eliminated the journey of walking for him, also it he was having a very pleasant thought. As he set down his backpack and sat down, Daniel, who was one of Jack acquaintances (but only in school) greeted him.
Hey Jack.
Hey Daniel, how goes it?
Good, I guess, how are you?
I’m also good. Anything new with you?
Well not exactly, but I guess kind of, I’m just a little worried about Mr. Canon’s class today, he’s handing back grades.
Then it hit him, Mr. Canon was going to hand back the essay he had done. He finally understood why he was uneasy and worried. He was going to be humiliated for his paper
Lunch
Once Jack had got out of line, the first thing he noticed was the girl in the ripped jeans that he had bumped into earlier. He stood and thought about it, then made his way over to her.
Hey.
Sorry, but uh, do I know you?
Yes, I accidentally, uh um, bumped in-, uh into you this morning.
She stared at him for a second and then she finally responded.“Yeah, it’s okay, if it was an accident then no harm done.”
She walked off and disappeared from sight. Jack made his way to the courtyard where he found himself a table and sat down. He sat waiting for a few minutes, expecting Jeremiah to come and sit by him. As he looked down at his food, Jack began to ponder what Mr. Canon thought of his essay. Jack knew that of course he wouldn’t give him a good grade saying that Jack’s work was “regrettable” or “substandard.” The mere thought of Mr. Canon telling Jack that his work wasn’t good infuriated him. Suddenly he became aware of where he was and noticed that Jeremiah was beside him.
You okay there, bud?
Yeah sorry I was just thinking about Mr. Canon.
Oh, are you nervous about what he’ll say when he gives you back the paper?
No. I’m only upset because I know he won’t give me a good grade, then he’ll tell ME what I did wrong, as if I don’t know how to write a damn paper. For the life of me, I hate him.
Heh, I get it. Hey do you want to come sit with me and Brock? He invited me to sit with them, I’m sure you can come with.
What… You don’t want to just hang out here? What’s wrong with here?
Nothing, I just wanted to-uh-get to know more people. You should come with, I think you’d enjoy it.
Thanks, I think I’ll eat by myself.
You sure?
Yeah, I was thinking about finding a spot in the courtyard to eat and write maybe anyway.
Okay then, I’ll see ya later.
Yeah, see ya.
Before Jeremiah could turn around Jack had already pushed open the doors to the courtyard. Jack made his way towards the back. The gymnasium was a separate building from the main school and it sat on the side of the courtyard. Since it wasn’t very far from the main structure, a weird alley like passage was made between the two buildings. Jack decided that it was the perfect place to be alone.
He sat down against the school, staring at the graffiti on the gym’s outer wall. Someone had drawn a skull as well as other obscurities, but most interesting was the words that were printed along the corner that said, We all live to die.
Three guys walked up to him, one grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him up. The other two snickered as though it was a show meant to entertain their dealings.
What do have here boys? Looks like a new source of income to me!
Come on, really I don’t want any trouble. Just let me go and I’ll go back inside.
Oh no no no shortfry, I’d like it if you’d stay out here! We like you kind of people out here, it puts a little extra dough in our pockets when we get hungry.
Dude, I don’t want trouble just let me go and I-
Save it shortfry! You give me some money, THEN you go back inside.
The obviously rehearsed hustle was not going anywhere that Jack had wanted it to. He reached into his pocket, but was stopped at the sudden sight of the white shirt girl who was approaching them at a pretty fast pace.
Let him be Brad! Why don’t you stop annoying everyone who wants to enjoy a nice day? Huh?!
Oh yeah, well why do you need to annoy everyone by getting into everyone’s business, huh?
‘Cause I’m tired of this. I think I’ve seen this same routine twice a day and to be honest, it’s getting boring. So why don’t you just move along and try again tomorrow?
You can’t stop us, so why do you think your opinion matters?
‘Cause I’ll have Randy kick the shit out of you if you don’t quit. You want the whole football team to be on the lookout to kick your ass?
Fine! But only because we don’t need more drama over some stupid nerd. Let’s go.
The three left, leaving only the girl in white and Jack. Jack stood up and thanked the girl.
Why did you do that?
I guess I sorta just bumped into you on accident. See ya around.